SECRETS OF ADULTS WHO STILL SLEEP WITH THEIR PLUSH COMPANIONS...

Did you sleep with a stuffed animal , doll, or special blanket as a child?

Many of us did, and funnily enough, many of us still do. We still rely on these soft, secure objects to comfort us through our adult years. Known as “transition objects” in the psychology world, they can still provide a sense of security for young adults starting college or a new job.

Or remember that scene in the classic Love Actually, where Laura Linney's character Sarah quickly hides (and reassuringly kisses) her childhood teddy bear that lives on her bed before welcoming a hot guy into her room? It's a relatable moment for many of us who still sleep with our teddy bears (or frogs or tigers or whatever stuffed animal they are) and feel a little shame at the habit that society tells us we've long since abandoned.

Psychologists have said that there is nothing unusual and no mandate to give up your favorite stuffed animal or other sentimental items at a certain age — they will simply become less important when you no longer need them.

1) You're not the only one snuggling up to your stuffed animal!

If this describes you, you’re not alone: ​​A 2017 survey of over 2,000 adults found that 43% of them still sleep with a teddy bear . Sure, it’s not the overwhelming majority, but it’s enough evidence to support the idea that clinging to your security toy isn’t all that weird, or even something that could compromise your status as a bona fide adult. The stuffed animal is a reminder of home and a comforting thing to snuggle with at night ?!

 And despite traditional gender stereotypes, men are the most likely to still have at least one stuffed animal, with 84% of men ♂️ admitting it, compared to 77% of women ♀️ (study conducted by Life Storage, in collaboration with One Poll). 

Even stranger, not all of these animals are just nostalgic stuffed childhood companions. “I see men buying stuffed animals from us for themselves ,” says Marissa Louie, BearBear’s founder. “They love the quality and expressiveness of these animals. Sometimes men with children of their own will buy stuffed animals for themselves and keep one for their children!” But could clinging to such childhood comfort objects be an unhealthy sign of regression?

2) Is it “normal” to sleep with your childhood stuffed animals?

A- A question of identity

According to Howard S. Friedman, a professor of psychology at the University of California, Irvine, who studies longevity and health, there are probably dozens of psychosocial reasons why people keep and sometimes even sleep with childhood possessions (including stuffed animals). "But most of those reasons revolve around questions of identity — how you see yourself in terms of your relationships with family, peers, and associates," Friedman says. "The things we have around us help us maintain that identity. That's why many people respond to a devastating fire that takes all their possessions by saying things like, 'My life is over.'"

For both men and women, Friedman thinks that a troubled childhood could be a predictor of whether adults will continue to sleep with stuffed toys. "If you had a sample of people who had particularly good or troubled childhoods, you might see a greater attachment to these toys," he adds.

B- Cuddle and everything is settled

A separate study from the one conducted in Holland, however, suggests that there are other reasons why adult men keep their stuffed toys close by. In 2013, a series of studies published in Psychological Science saw researchers at UV University Amsterdam test how people with low self-esteem deal with worries about their own death and the meaning of their lives. What they found could explain a lot about this furry love.

"Our findings show that even touching an object  - such as a teddy bear - can assuage existential fears," psychologist and lead researcher Sander Koole told the Daily Mail that same year. "Interpersonal touch is such a powerful mechanism that even objects that simulate another person's touch can help instill in people a sense of existential meaning."

Even as adults, many form strong attachments to these creations. “Many plush lovers give their stuffed companions names , can describe their personalities, and relate to them as if they were real people,” says the BSP founder. A scan of reviews confirms this, with one satisfied customer writing, “I really love her. She has a way of brightening up my room and making me feel so much better. I can’t help but smile when I walk into my room and see her lying in my bed. She makes me feel like all is right with the world.”

C- A feeling of security

According to therapist Margaret Van Ackeren, LMFT, “In most cases, adults sleep with stuffed animals from their childhood because it gives them a sense of security ?‍♀ and reduces negative feelings , like loneliness and anxiety.” In fact, these tools can bring you the calm and sense of not being alone that they may have done for you when you were little.

The act of sleeping with a teddy bear or blanket from childhood is generally considered perfectly acceptable (they can have negative connotations if they are associated with childhood trauma or were an emotional substitute for a parent). But behavioral health specialist Tracey Jones, MD, says the overall health assessment of the act depends on whether it is “helpful or harmful to a person’s emotional integrity, daily functioning, and interpersonal relationships.”

For example, are you avoiding traveling? Because you can't take your teddy bear with you for some reason? Or is it preventing you from having an intimate relationship with yourself and a loved one? Both of these situations are red flags .

To sum up, as long as it doesn't interfere with or hinder a person's ability to function normally in work, love, and life, it's probably fine to keep your stuffed animal around: "Is it stopping you from bringing someone home because you don't want anyone to know?" Then it's interfering, and it's time to ditch it.

3) A balance between his/her stuffed animal and his/her partner

When it comes to the issue of sex and intimacy, the best way to assess the situation is to have honest conversations with your partner , says clinical psychologist Inna Khazan, PhD. If your partner feels threatened by the presence of the stuffed animal (perhaps you're cuddling it instead of them), explain its importance, but also be open to listening to their concerns.

And if your bear, blanket, or whatever you love to hug isn't exerting a negative force on your life, Van Ackeren says there's no reason to kick the habit if you don't want to. If that's the case for you, go ahead and be a little stronger!

4) How to Break Up With Your Bear (If That's What You Want)

If the relic is a source of ongoing tension with your partner, or you feel like it's simply time to part ways , that's certainly an option, but expect it to take time and emotional energy ⚡. After all, it's something you've spent a large portion of your life with.

Dr. Khazan recommends seeking help from a mental health professional ?‍⚕  to guide you through the process and take baby steps, so to speak. “I suggest weaning yourself off of it gradually, until you no longer need the bear,” she says. Here’s how, in three steps:

• Step One: Move the bear from your loving embrace in bed to your nightstand ?.
• Step two: Move it a little further away, maybe to the top of your dresser?.
• Step Three: Move it even further away, somewhere out of reach and sight, like under the bed, in a closed closet, or in another room.

According to Dr. Khazan, guided meditations and breathing practices can help you stay calm and peaceful throughout the process, especially in the evenings as you wind down and fall asleep.

And since you're used to using a sleep tool that provides you with a source of comfort, therapist Julia Baum, LMHC, says you might consider making a new addition to your sleep environment to fill the void, like an anti-gravity blanket that reduces anxiety and helps you sleep better or a silk pillowcase.

Whether it's cuddling them for safety or simply touching them to reassure themselves about their place in this world?‍♀, it's clear that there are still many adults who aren't quite ready to give up their teddy bear . As long as it doesn't have any negative repercussions with your life, there's nothing to worry about. So keep cuddling!